Last night on The New Normal, Brian and David became concerned that, as two dudes, neither of them would be able to breast feed their soon-to-be-born-via-surrogate baby boy. The resolution was obvious: ask the surrogate if she would be willing to pump breast milk after the baby is born. And they did, and she readily agreed.
But Brian, observing a breast-feeding mother and friend, longed for the special bond that comes from physically holding child to breast.
He got himself a Mr. Milker (on the show, they called it "The Milkman"), and comedy (including a breast feeding flash mob) ensued.
I've mentioned before on this blog my difficulties breast feeding, and the massive guilt that was imposed upon me by the breast feeding establishment and my own desire to be the best mommy I could be (which at the time included producing tidal waves of creamy goodness from my boobies to nourish my child).
My son rejected both breast and expressed breast milk at age six months. He had been fed a diet of formula supplemented by my trickle of breast milk for all of his life up to that point. (And yes, I tried all manner of things to stimulate production to no avail.)
When he was first born, the milk that I produced was not plentiful, but it was sweet and contained obviously large amounts of milk fat. Yes, I tasted it. When he rejected me (and to be sure, it felt a tiny bit personal), I tasted it again. It was more watery, and it has a faint tinny flavor. Then I knew that he knew best: this stuff was not the best thing for him. Bring on the Enfamil.
Do I wish that I could have breast fed him longer and more effectively? Absolutely. Do I think my bond with my son is inferior to that of the bonds of mothers who breast feed successfully for the first year? Absolutely not. Parental bonds aren't forged by sheer physical closeness. It's a complex mix of physical, intellectual, and emotional interaction, as it is with all human relationships. Know how I know? Daddies love their babies just as much as mommies do, and most of them do not employ a Mr. Milker to seal the deal.
So breast feeding is nice. Good breast milk is also nice. But neither of them make you a beloved parent of a beloved child. For that you don't need boobs and working mammary glands, or a Mr. Milker. You just need time and a heart.
