I'm still about 20 pounds overweight.
But here's the good news: I recently had all my lady parts and other parts checked out and, apart from the weight (which no doctor even batted an eye at), everything checks out great. Blood pressure: great! Total cholesterol: great! LDL: great! HDL: great! Triglycerides: Great! LDL/HDL ratio: great! Mammo: great! Even my skin, at forty-two-years-three-hundred-sixty-three days old is remarkably unlined.
I'm just kinda chubby. Kinda jiggly in places. Kinda two jeans sizes larger than what I'd want to be. (Okay, three.) Kinda biggish-boobed. Kinda biggish.
But, I'm healthy, quite healthy. And that is a blessing. I am thankful. I know that there are lots of people my age on medications to have blood pressure like mine or cholesterol like mine. And I'm chugging away just fine on my own, even if I'm a bit overweight.
So I'm thankful.
But I'd still like to weigh less and be smaller and look better naked and not be embarrassed to wear shorts because of my thunder thighs.
I'm exercising and I'm eating mostly right. Maybe I could skip the chocolate cake I had last night with my son or the nearly nightly glass of wine. Or bread. Or chocolate. Or cheese.
But that's no fun.
And I don't deal with deprivation well.
So I've just decided not to worry too much about the number right now, and just be thankful for being healthy. And keep doing what I'm doing.
It doesn't mean that I don't still want to lose the weight. And it doesn't even mean that I won't try, but I'm just not going to worry about it anymore like I have done. I'm just going to enjoy being healthy and understand that I'm blessed to have my health. And I'm going to keep having fun, which includes occasional indulgences in chocolate icing with the little person.
Now, though, it's time for red wine and chocolate. The Working Mom worked it pretty hard today doing a deposition and she's going to unwind. And not feel guilty about it. Night-night.
