I did not and should not have married "young." (Although, from the vantage point of 43, age 37, the age at which I did get married, seems dewy and fresh, like a blooming daisy on a sunny spring morn.)
Had I married "young," I would surely have also divorced young, and maybe multiple times. I did not want a divorce. None of my early boyfriends (and I think those of you guys with whom I am still friendly and who read this blog will agree with me) would have worked out as a lifelong commitment. There were personality problems or aspirational problems or timing problems or maturity problem -- or some combination of all of the above -- with both of us. So it's best I didn't marry young. Life has worked out well because I waited until I was "established."
But, truthfully, it wasn't a conscious choice to wait to age 37. It just happened that way. But I'm glad that it did. I'm glad of the fortuitous break ups of ill-fitting relationships before time and obligation turned them into ill-fitting marriages. What actually happened is that I had more-or-less decided that life might not have marriage in my cards by about age 34. And then The Working Dad started working in my office. And....a little under three years later, and the turning of several events in the meantime that are none of your beeswax, and, ta-da!, we were Mr. and Mrs. There was no grand plan, but I'm glad the thing worked out the way it did.
And I will go out on a limb and say that I, at least, wonder whether The Working Dad and I would have clicked at all, and if we had clicked, whether we would have made it long term, if we had met a decade earlier. People change, and maybe we wouldn't have been right for each other in the 90s the way we were in the Aughts.
That being said, I know folks who married "young" who are doing just fine. It was the right thing for them to do. They shouldn't have waited 'til middle age like me.
And I know people who have chosen to remain single who are living happy, fulfilling lives. That's the right thing for them.
Why must we be so prescriptive? Whatever your path to happiness, isn't that the right way?
So here is the last thing I'll say: if something within you makes you read an article to justify your path, maybe it's your path that's gone awry, not those of the men and women who have chosen a different one. Maybe ask yourself why you need validation of your choice from a piece of fluffy trend journalism rather than by consulting your own heart.
