But I am here to tell you, no, my friend, your inner toddler thrives. Indeed, the only thing separating you and your two-and-a-half year-old self are (1) better hand eye-coordination, (2) superior language skills, and (3) an exquisite gift for self-deception.
To prove it, I give you now, ten gross things that toddlers do that you do too, only you don't own it like the toddler does.
1. Pick your nose.
2. Pee in the shower/bath.
3. Closely examine the thing you just pulled out of your nose.
4. Pick up a piece of food that you just dropped on the floor and go ahead and eat it, even though more than five seconds has passed. (This is particularly true if the floor is the floor of your own home.)
5. Sometimes you fling that thing you just pulled out of your nose rather than wipe it onto a tissue.
6. Fart in a semi-public or public forum. (The difference: you pretend it wasn't you, but the toddler announces, "I'm tooted!")
7. Pick your toenails.
8. Chew on not-gum or not-food.
9. Oh, come on, once or twice in your adult life you've found yourself without a tissue, and the thing you just pulled out of your nose is too sticky to fling, so you wiped it on something else not made to receive things recently pulled out of noses. (Though as an adult, I'll bet that the "something else" you used was not your mother or father, as with a typical toddler.)
10. Stand up, turn around and gaze into the toilet to see what you have achieved.
Well. Now that it's all out in the open, don't you feel better?
